So the MTV Movie Awards were this past Sunday and I have to say it was quite the disappointment (not like that's a surprise nowadays with these award shows.) What made it more of a disappointment, besides the terrible movie selections up for the awards, was all the fucking cursing! In my personal opinion, I see no need for cursing at such events that are televised. No it's not cool, no you're not going to grab more viewers, and no you will not earn my respect...fo' sho'.
Anyway, so as I turned on channel 20 on my cable box, I was just in time to see Kristen Stewart and all her awkwardness. Is it just me, or is she the most awkward and annoying person to stand at a podium in a long time? This was her speech for best female performance..."uh yea so I'd like to thank Justin Liebowski, Mary Hornberger, and …uhhh (awkward pause to fix her hair, which is in a ponytail by the way, or to do some dumb finger pointing move with her hands) and that's it. Peace out!" Peace out?!? And that's it? How about thank you fans for watching my terrible acting that I act in every movie I'm in! Or thanks fans for watching me display the same characteristics in every person I play! Let's face it Kristen Stewart, you're awkward beyond belief, your boyfriend if he wasn't English, could pass for a slight re-tard, and you’re pale. Just being honest.
As I flipped between channels from the MTV Movie Awards to the NBA Finals and back, I started noticing the cursing trend. First I noticed it with some no name actress from an upcoming pointless movie saying how she wanted to fuck Megan Fox. First off, why the fuck would Megan Fox want to fuck you??! You're practically still in high school and you're ugly. If Megan Fox were to bang any chick, she'd have to be hot (unlike you), have huge breasts, and an IQ of my cat (which could be you). Get over it, you're not cool! THEN a skit involving Mark Walberg, Will Ferrell, The Rock, Eva Mendez (Who could fuck Megan Fox), and Samuel L. Jackson developed....by the way, who the HELL writes for this show? Snookie, Jwow, and The Situation? I think my 13 year old niece can write a more interesting skit in her perrywinkle pink notebook than the schmoes who wrote this debacle. I digress. So Marky Mark and Ferrell are hanging by wires above the other 3 actors cursing up a storm and I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck is going on right now?
I would like to get the celebrities in the audience honest opinion on attending these events because I would think that some of them would have more brain power than to sit in a room and have to listen to 3 hours of absolute nonsense!
After the NBA Finals were over and the Lakers lost :(….I proceeded to watch these awards. Ok so Sandra Bullock gets the generation award this year. Really?! Well, how convenient with all the controversy with this broad in the past few months, you think that was a coincidence?!?! And I'm surprised by Sandra's involvement in this fiasco because I thought she was much smarter than to fall into this celebrity world of self inflicting drama, but I guess I can be wrong from time to time. As Sandra sits in her seat, front and center to the stage, Bradley Cooper ( who could get it 100 times over in one night), Betty white(pure awesomeness at her age), and Scarlett Johansson (another waste if acting skills, but a candidate for Megan Fox to bang) presents Sandra with this award after 3 very useless speeches from friends. Friends?! You worked with all three in one movie and the movie with Bradley received a Razzi award, deservingly so. I love what Hollywood considers a good friend. Please note if I'm ever up for an award, please don't call about 90% of my Facebook friends because I only converse with then when it’s their birthday or it’s time for a meaningless catch up convo. I'm just being honest. Anyway, so Sandra gets up to receive her conveniently deserving award, makes an okay speech, kisses Scarlett (???) and heads off the stage.
Finally, the award or best and worst movie is here. And the winner is...Twilight New Moon! Shocker!! I myself was hoping for The Hangover to win, but that movie already won over my heart. :) The whole cast of this tweeny movie gets up to receive the award and Peter Facinelli takes the lead at the mic. What a mistake. This guy starts using the word fuck as if it was going to heal the herpes infection he has had since filming Can't Hardly Wait. Peter, you're how old? 35? Do you really think it’s cool at that age to use such a strong word in a speech for the best and worst movie?? No, it’s not. And you're not cool and neither is your annoying doctor character you play on Nurse Jackie. Just stick to smiling and not speaking and you'll do okay kid, thanks.
The morale of this blog is why do we subject our children to this kind of crap? Why do we continue to condone such behavior by people who should be setting examples? Why do monopoly networks like MTV get away with televising such a horrific event? At a time like this, with the oil spill in the gulf, this crap is pointless and I only hope the kids who watch this shit are smarter than we think they are.
Ouch! Don't be shy. Tell us how you REALLY feel. Is no one safe from Teressa's wrath?
ReplyDeleteI probably won't be able to watch another B-level award show again without hearing you critquing it in my head. Great job. Can't wait to see what you'll hate next.
Honesty is the best policy! :)
ReplyDeleteYay Trix!!!! This is great!!! Next show, I am coming by to watch with you!
ReplyDeleteJust checkin' back in to say my the only real high points of that 'awards' show (if you can call it that because it's obviously just a 3 hour commercial for upcoming films and album releases..cough...Twilight 3...cough Christina Aguillera) ..but yeah the only real high points for me were Katy Perry looking her most delicious in a California tan and immense cleavage.....and The asian guy from Hangover managing to have the funniest and the saddest speeches of all time.
ReplyDeleteEvrything else was TRIZZASH......and that cursing was part of some big 'Dirty Mouth' gum campaign that they were touting all night. Just NOT funny.
This was a great read, Teressa. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks ya'll! I appreciate the feedback!
ReplyDeleteI just realiized the tie in between Orbitz and the cursiing... What a dickhead thing to do... they probably encouraged this from people. Fucking stupid executives. But Aziz was phenomenal as a host. His R.Kelly song was hystercal, as was his intro at the beginning when he played the parts from Precious and The Blind Side... that dude is funny. I also enjoyed Tom Cruise as Les Grossman. My favorite part of Tropic Thunder (and I love that movie). I agree that the show has been trash in the "Twlight" era, but I like these B level award shows because they focus on movies and genres that are the most popular, yet the most ignored by the mainstream (Oscars, Golden Globes) such as Sci Fi, Horror, and Comedy. Twilight is dominating, so it is kinda corny (even though I like the movies and read the books) but I hate how a great movie like THe Hangover gets ignored by the Oscars, but finds a place at the MTV awards. Thats just my opinion... love to have you Teressa!!! Write some more hateful shit for me... we love it!!!
ReplyDeleteI had to leave a comment because not only was this was a great read but I could not agree more w/ the Kristen Mouthbreather Stewart assessment. She's so awkward that when I see her or hear her speak, I get a cramp in my stomach. I actually experience what UGHHH feels like. I'm no hater but this girl makes me feel uncomfortable. Those butterflies in my tummy are not feelings of love it's the "I have to go to the bathroom" tingle.
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