True Bloody Love Recap #5 Part 2 by Kate Jones

In the past three episodes we have seen the convergence of a good chunk of the more important storylines in the show. Sookie, Bill, Lorena, Eric, King Russell, Talbot, Pam, the Magister, Sophie Ann, Alcide, Debbie and the V-addicted wolves, Tara, Franklin and most recently, Hadley, are all in some way taking part in the same storyline, even if they took separate paths to get there.

For my own completely selfish reasons I am starting this recap with Tara. I know! I can’t believe it either but, in episode 5, Tara and her undead kidnapper/stalker became interesting! Last we saw, Tara and Franklin arrived at King Russell’s house. Tara was still tied up and Talbot was still being Talbot (gracious host? Housemaker? Aspiring contestant on Bravo’s reality show Top Design?).

Bill, Lorena and the King arrived back home from their hot-lonely-stripper-in-a-limo feast. Tara asks Bill to help her and he coldly says no. Clearly, he doesn’t understand what Tara is doing there and I am pretty sure he was just maintaining his cover as the king’s man.



We then lose sight of Tara briefly while Franklin talks to the king. He gives him the file on Sookie that he found in Bill’s dresser and now the king knows that Bill has definitely been hiding SOMETHING from him. He’s pretty sure that Bill is in Bon Temps on Sophie-Anne’s orders. After all nonsense ends, we finally get a taste of what I guess is the real Franklin.

When he asked the king for his payment, the king warned him that the last time he had that much money, he slaughtered a church group because they wouldn’t let him have a turn at the slot machines. The king also warns him about dragging around a human but Franklin just doesn’t care, because he and Tara are both “disasters” and that their chemistry is “electric.” Can chemistry be electric? Probably not but for the sake of this blog, it is.



What follows this is quite possibly one of the funniest moments I have seen yet on this show, beating out many scenes of Jason genius. Watch it!



Okay, seriously. That was a pure bit of Alan Ball genius. For a second, it almost surprised me, and I said “oh!” out loud. But then, like he knew I missed it, he did it again! He typed motherfucker really, really fast. Then he said love you and made a kissy sound. From that moment on I wanted to see more of Franklin and Tara. They really stepped up their storyline in this episode.

It was quite unfortunate a few hours later when Franklin was sleeping and Tara chewed through the ties binding her to the bed and ran for it. It was also unfortunate that Coot was standing guard in wolf form and dragged her ass back to incur the wrath of Franklin. With much persuading she was able to convince him that he didn’t frighten her, but the other vampires did.



Tara told Franklin that they needed to talk. He said that usually, when women say that, everything goes black and he wakes up surrounded by bodies. Anyone who wasn’t convinced by the Speed Texting champion of the world scene should totally love this amazing character by now. Tara assures him that its not that kind of talk and tells him that she actually is crazy about him, but he needs to remember that she is human and needs to do things like eat. He told her he would take her out the next day for dinner to celebrate her last day as a human… because he was going to make her his vampire bride. I would like to give some props to Tara here… or her writers or creators. If crazy ass Franklin wanted me to be his vampire bride, I don’t think I would be able to react as calm as Tara did, even with the look of horror on her face. I knew that Tara was most likely not going to become a vampire. But it was cool that she thought it for a minute.

Let’s go downstairs for a little while. Now that King Russell has Bill’s dossier on Sookie, he knows that Bill was lying to him about something. But before the king can say anything, the awesome and beautiful Eric shows up to tell the king that he is in search of Bill for selling V in his district. Bill comes out and says that Eric can’t pin that on him. Eric admits to the king in seconds that it was Eric selling the V at the behest of Queen Sophie Anne. Bill and Eric also briefly discussed Sookie’s singleness. Eric deduced that if Bill was not TAKEN from Sookie, he LEFT Sookie, and was therefore no longer “his”. Eric looks very interested. The King also seems interested… but by Eric. He invites him to stay at their house. Now Talbot looks interested. Talbot has good taste.

Talbot later takes Eric on a tour of the King Russell’s Castle of Catastrophe (I know, I’m not sure of that one either). While they are looking at some of Russell’s treasure, Eric sees a Viking crown that causes us to flashback. Eric, when he was a human Viking prince, was being scolded by his parents for screwing the redhead servant too often and not taking life seriously enough. Now I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a princess. Now I can see points in wanting to feed the goats. When he goes back to his favorite pastime (and we spied a little bit of Eric’s hot man ass), his parents are attacked by wolves, with the Project Werewolf symbol on them. He chases them and sees a mysterious cloaked figure that tells him he shouldn’t bother fighting him. He doesn’t but later, Eric promises that he will avenge his father. The Viking crown belonged to his father, which leads us to correctly assume that Russell killed his parents and infant sister. I guess this is why Eric wants these wolves and their leader so bad!

The king is finally able to have his talk with Bill and puts him under guard again. Cooter (hehe) tells him that Sookie is banging a werewolf (Alcide) there in Jackson and says all sorts of other raunchy things about Sookie. He called her a blonde ho. As a former blonde, I resent that on a personal level. He also said something along the lines of “suck that dick” similar to how someone might have said, “In your face!” 20 years ago. I think I may have to start using that! Bill finds out where Sookie is, burns a vampires face on the silver door and makes a run for it.

Now Sookie and Alcide barely escape Lou Pine’s alive. When they get back to Alcide’s place, Sookie goes to sleep but is awoken when Debbie shows up there to tell Alcide that the V-wolves would come after him if they knew what he saw at the bar. Then her and Sookie bitch fight for a little while and Sookie gives up too much info. Debbie clearly has no idea who Bill is when Sookie asks her about him, but now she knows he’s important and probably said something to Coot about her.

We see Alcide tell his pack master about the V-wolves, but the Colonel doesn’t think they should do anything. Seems he’s frightened of them.

Next, Bill shows up to see Sookie, but after briefly reuniting, Russell and Coot show up. When Coot tries to take Sook, she hits him in the face with the light from her hands. The king thinks that that is just fantastic, while we are still wondering where the hell that light comes from!

Now Sookie, Bill, Eric, Lorena, the king, Talbot, Tara and Franklin are all in the same place. As Sook is dragged in with Bill (but not Alcide), Bill stakes one of Russell’s henchmen and tries to get Russell, but is easily thrown off of him. Bill begs Eric to help Sookie, but Eric instead tells the king that he should hold on to “it.” While Eric goes off with Sookie, Russell tells Lorena to go kill Bill in the slave quarters. Now honestly, if you wanted Bill dead, would you send Lorena to do the job? NO. She really has nothing but pain to gain by killing her child and great love. Send Eric. I think he would have gladly done it at this point. But since Lorena threatened to kill Sookie and wear her ribcage for a hat, I doubt that she would have been a very good guard for her.

Once alone Sookie tells Eric that she hates him for putting her and Bill through this, while Eric pretty much tells her that he will not allow her to screw something up that he’s been working toward for years. Its obvious that he’s playing some sort of a role here. Why can’t Sookie see it? She was so confident that Bill was lying to her on the phone to play a role.

The king finally sits down with Sookie and they begin to answer each other’s questions. Now, if I was a vampire I would have beat this bitch senseless for thinking she had any right to ask ME any questions when she was MY prisoner, but for the sake of the storyline, Russell played along with Sookie’s feisty stupidity. Sookie learned about Bill’s dossier on her but she annoys Russell when she can’t tell him about her magical light powers. He then locks her in a bedroom.

Now back to the awesomely crazy FRANKLIN who tells Tara that he shaved for her and their wedding. Now that Sookie has been delivered to the king, his work for Russell is over. Now though, Tara knows that Sookie is in the mansion, and knows that she can contact her with her thoughts. Tara plays Franklin perfectly, getting him to untie her so that she can use both hands on him. She also convinces him that she wants to drink his blood so that she can be high on it the last time that they hump as humans. He then lets her bite down on his neck. Did you notice the gross piece of flapping skin… ewwwww. She then stays awake as he falls asleep in his arms. She tells Sookie that she is coming to get her out of there.

Now, when Franklin is good and asleep, Tara walks over to the wall, takes a spikey mace down and beats Franklin several times over the head with it. Now, I don’t think that Franklin’s dead, but to date we haven’t seen him again. We haven’t seen him explode in to red goo though, so I am sure he will be back at some point this season.

Next, Tara, in a moment of genius, stops by the kitchen to get some almonds, and tells Sookie’s guard that Talbot wants to serve Sookie’s blood that night and that he demands that she eats all of the almonds first. He let her in to the room, and together Sookie and Tara knock him out. She tells Sookie that she is there to kill vampires and save her ass (awesome) and they run to get out of there. But wait! Sookie needs to save Bill! Tara went to go find a car to escape in, while she searches for him. Tara runs in to another wolf, but fortunately, this time it’s Alcide, there looking for the Sookster. He has a van and together they go to find her.

Bill has not been having a good day so far. Lorena, sad about killing him, is slowly draining him. She then allows Cooter and Debbie to drink from him. By the time Sookie gets there, Debbie and Coot are as high as kites and running around outside the slave quarters. Sookie gets in there to save him, but Lorena grabs her first and throws her against the wall.

Meanwhile, Eric is trying to win the king’s graces through flirtation. It was sort of working. Russell takes Eric with him to Queen Sophie Anne’s house so that he can once again propose marriage. He also tells Eric that he is playing boss man over the werewolves not because he likes working with them, but because he is using them to gain control of the human. He believes that vampires are way superior to humans and that there should be a system that proves that much. He went as far as to say that Hitler was right about a master race, but that master race was not human. Sounds very Voldemort-ish to me also.

When they get to Sophie-Anne’s, she is sitting by her pool doing scratch-offs (hilarious) and whooping like a child whenever she wins. In the books, Sophie-Anne was 14 or 15 when she was turned over. Maybe that’s where her love of things like scratch-offs and Yahtzee comes from. In walks Russell, who offers to pay all of her debt if she marries him. Eric shows up as a guard and we find out that Sophie-Anne actually framed him to be the only person behind selling the V. Eric shows that he is now loyal to Russell and kills the queen’s guards. The Queen has no choice but to agree to the marriage pact.

Part 3 coming at you soon! Stay tuned...