Twas The Night Before Christmas, Lovecraft Style!!!

‘Twas the Night before Roodmas, and all through R’lyeh,

Not a creature was stirring, having all gone away.

Sacrifices were hung on huge hooks with great care

In hopes that Shub-Niggurath soon would be there.

The Deep Ones were nesting, sleeping like fishes

To breed with your women, their greatest wish is

Ma Hydra in her membranes, and I in my shroud,

Lay dead but dreaming, and snoring aloud.

When out from the depths there arose such a howling

I sprang from my tomb, to see who was prowling.

Away to the window, I shot like a squid

(with geometries unknown to poor Euclid).

The Moon on the drifts of aeon-old slime

gave a sickening glow to things trapped in the rime.

When what to my batrachian eyes did show

But a nightmare of flesh with an unhealthy glow,

With hundreds of tentacles, so gnarled and far-flung

I knew it was her with a Thousand Dark Young.

More rapid than Shantaks her offspring came down

As she howled, and gibbered, and made other sounds

“Now! Hlasher, now! Yrancer, now! Xhrancer and Xixen!”

“On! Nromet, on! Hrupid, on! Uronder and Qlixin!”

“To the top of the parapet! to the top of the wall!”

“Now raven and slay, raven and slay them all!”

As weak humans before wild Ithaqua fly,

In the Wind-Walker’s grasp, mount to the sky

So up to the crypt-top her offspring they oozed

I knew in an instant, I was in for bad news.

And then in a moment, I heard on the roof

the clomping and pawing of huge cloven hoofs.

As I drew in my head and was blanching in fright,

In the doorway Shub-Niggurath hove into sight.

She was half-covered in fur, from her horns to her tail

While from her tits on down was all covered in scales.

A cluster of Dark Young clung to her back

Looking like ticks, swollen and black.

Her eyes — how they glimmered! Her teeth, how serrated!

Her cock was erect, and my bowels evacuated.

Her wide fang-lined mouth was starting to slaver,

And I feared I’d end up just one more cadaver.

The remains of a child, she clutched to her breast

And I wondered for a moment, what she’d done with the rest.

She had a long face, and a big fertile belly

and her flesh heaved and quivered, like a mountain of jelly.

She was ancient and vast, a right vile Old God

And I shook, for I was really quite over-awed.

A flick of her tongue and a twist of her head

Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread.

She said not a word, but went right to her work,

Impregnated my wife, and then turned to me for a jerk

And forcing herself on me, she gave a sick grin

For I knew she was nearly all the way in.

Satisfied she then left, to her offspring she screamed

Leaving me to wish this was naught but bad dreams.

But I heard her cry out as she faded from sight,

“Foul tidings to all, for the Stars are now Right!”

Thanks to The Blood Sprayer & Saucerman for this wonderful poem!!!